Tales of the Brokenhearted Part 1: The Label

She sobs through the night; tears stream down her cheeks. Among all her lovers, there is no one left to comfort her. All her friends have betrayed her and become her enemies.   Lamentations 1:2



In every school, every graduating class, in every state across this vast country and yes even around the world there is that one girl that has the reputation for being….well lets just say loose as a goose. If I asked you to name the girl that had the reputation for being a whore her name would slide off your tongue faster easier than a hot knife through butter. You may even smirk and began to recant rumors that you heard 10, 20, 30, and even in some cases 50 years ago.


There is one in particular that will probably always be in the forefront of my mind because I was relatively young when I began to hear of her shenanigans. Growing up in a strict home, sex was a taboo subject. I never received “the talk”. My mother had purchased a book that she was suppose to go over with me, but I was her first child and she was quite shy about the subject, so she kept putting it off. I knew where the book was located (locked in the safe along with birth certificates, social security cards, deeds, and expensive jewelry). But as luck would have it, one day my mother forgot to lock the safe and to make a long story short, I read the book. It was a small book with vague details and crude illustrations. I was 11 and feeling quite grown up because I now had a general idea of how babies were made. But I almost had a heart attack when I heard my mother call out my name. But I was in the clear, she was calling me downstairs for dinner.

So here I was hearing these stories (most of which were probably made up) about a girl that was the same age as me. So I did what any holier than thou child would do, I whispered and talked about her behind her back like everyone else did. Not knowing anything about her except for what other people told me. But it wasn’t until I became an adult that I found out about her family and her upbringing and I understood why she behaved the way that she did. And I was ashamed of myself.

A cough and runny nose are symptoms, and although at times they can be gross, they are not the problem, the problem is something that can’t been seen with the naked eye, a virus. And it doesn’t matter how many tissues and throat lozenges you give someone, if you don’t treat the thing that has caused the symptoms in the first place, they will never go away.

There are many women that are so starved for love and affection that they sleep with man after man thinking that the space between their legs is going to fill the hole that’s in their heart. Her whoredom is a symptom, her broken heart is a virus. Whether its because she can’t trust any man because of issues abandonment issues with her father. Or low self-esteem issues because she never thought she was pretty or good enough. And those euphoric moments of an orgasm makes her feel complete and whole. But what about when he leaves? I’ve talked to women that have rolled over in their bed and cried out to God, asking why do they keep doing this to themselves? Why do they continue to allow men to abuse and use them?

If you are reading this and currently find yourself in this position I have to tell you this. If the hole that you feel in your heart could have been filled by a man, it would have happened a long time ago. It is time to learn to love yourself. To realize that you are created with purpose and destiny. That you are an imperfect being created by a perfect God that is big enough, strong enough, powerful enough, and loving enough to balance out all your imperfections. Heal your heart. And forgive your sins.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Psalm 27:10

The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.    John 10:10

And for those of you who were lucky enough to never have had to gone through this.  Be compassionate.  Fall on your face and pray for these women.  They have dealt with people talking about them, telling them they were worthless their entire lives.  They need someone to tell them they are loved.

For the Fathers

One late afternoon I had to run into Meijers and picked up a couple of things for my Aunt. I was in a bit of a rush but I saw something so terribly cute that it stopped me dead in my tracks. A man that was about in his late twenties had just finished putting bananas into a plastic bag, and his daughter, who couldn't have been more then three, insisted that she would carry the bananas. I couldn't hear him but I’m fairly good at reading lips.


“It’s too heavy for you.” He said with a smile.

The small cherub shook her head violently, unruly curls slapping her pink cheeks. And with a chuckle the father handed her the bag of bananas. He watched her with a proud smile as she walked 10 feet, struggling with a plastic bag that was half her size, full to the brim with bananas. Then the father walked over and in one smooth motion, with a confident, seemingly reckless ease that only a young father could muster, picked up his daughter, bananas and all. His smile was one of pride as he planted a kiss on her cheeks for she had proved her point, she could carry the bananas.

This scene touched my heart and saddened me at the same time. It touched me because there is nothing on this planet that I love to see more than a man taking care of his children. Dad’s are the first Superhero that a child will ever know. But sadly we live in a day and age where more and more children are growing up without fathers.

Women can harp about independence and feminism all they want. A woman may believe that she doesn't need a man, and maybe its true she doesn't. But her children do.



•63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.

•90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.

•85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)



Look, its simple. Men if you have been lucky enough that God has blessed you with children, be a father, stay in that child’s life. So many times men walk out of a child's life because he is finding it too difficult to deal with the mother.  Thinking that when the child is older then he can explain his side of things.  The problem with that is you miss out on some of thee most important times your child's life.  The only thing that you did was make things easier on yourself.

And Ladies, DO NOT take it out on the kids if your children’s father does not want to be with you.  If he is a good man, a good father, let him spend time with his kids.  It is selfish and cruel for you to not to allow your child to have that relationship.  If your child is lucky enough to have a father that wants to be involved in his child's life, let him be involved.  A father will always be the most important male in your child's life.

The Last Time Dad Combed My Hair

I remember the first time I got braids; it took me a long time to get into wearing weaves. I was one of those children blessed with long hair, and as an adolescent I wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing a weave. (I remember when wearing weaves were “un-cool”.) So when I had my braids there was one essential thing that I did not know, and that was making sure you combed all of the synthetic hair out before you wash it. For those of you that do not know, when you don’t comb out the synthetic hair all the way, before you wash it, the synthetic hair gets tangled up with your real hair, forming knots so complex that the great escapologist Harry Houdini would not be able to free himself from.


So if you could all just picture this scene. A 5’8” 19 year old young woman looking at half her hair tangled up in five massive knots. After 30 minutes of trying to no avail, I did what any respectable young woman would do in my predicament, I called for my mother. My mother walked into the bathroom, took one look at my hair and replied, “Well I don’t know what you want me to do with that.”

“Mom, help me.” I cried pitifully. (At this point I was fighting back tears.)

My mother sighed and began to hack at one knot with a comb. (My mother was never known for being gentle with a comb and brush.) After about a grand total of two minutes of getting absolutely nowhere, she simply handed me back the comb and shrugged her shoulders and told me it looked as if I was going to cut my hair.


*Cue tears accompanied with hysterical sobbing fit……………NOW*


“CUT MY HAIR?!?”

“It’ll grow back.” She replied.

Cutting my hair would have meant cutting off a good 8 to 10 inches, leaving me about 2 to 3 inches of hair. It was now 1am mom was tired and was going to bed, leaving her grown daughter to fend for herself. I slowly walked out the bathroom utterly defeated. I walked into the TV room to tell my dad that I was going to have to cut my hair off. I could only imagine how pitiful I looked standing there with tears running down my cheeks telling him that I would have to cut off all my precious hair. My dad just sighed turned off the TV, told me sit down, took the comb from my hand and began to do what no one else could or would do, straighten out my mess. I bet it was a sight to see. Me sitting there crying as he gently untangled those knots, one hair at a time, it took him three hours. I can’t tell you what we talked about, I don’t remember him saying one word, and I don’t recall me saying anything. All I remember is my father bent over my head the concentration of a skilled surgeon removing every strand of synthetic hair out of my head. That and the big thankful bear hug I gave him afterward.

Sometimes in life we look at what other people are doing what they have and we want those things just because it’s popular to have. We don’t appreciate the things that God has given us and we look to add material things, synthetic things to our lives, instead of being grateful for the blessings that are in our lives right now. And because we mix man's ideas with God's purpose our lives are in chaos. Oh but the great thing about our Heavenly Father, he can clean any mess, straighten out the crooked path, and mend any broken heart. All you have to do is ask.

(Psa 34:18 KJV) The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

The All Natural Opiate

One of my favorite movies is Devil’s Advocate and that is because it had to be the most accurate depiction of the devil ever. Al Pacino plays a marvelous devil. There were many great scenes in the movie, but one of my favorite moments is when satan revealed which sins of his was the favorite.


“Vanity is definitely my favorite sin…it’s so basic, self love, the all natural opiate.”

I love that line because its an absolutely brilliant description of what pride, vanity, self love, etc, does, and that is it dulls the perception of pain that you inflict upon others and yourself.

Opiates are any of the narcotics found in the opium poppy plant. How opiates work in the brain is they don’t block the pain messages, they change the subjective experience of the pain. This is why a person receiving morphine for pain may say that they still feel the pain but that it doesn’t bother them anymore.

When someone is full of self love, self importance, they can know that their actions are wrong. Know that they are hurting others, know they are going to wrong way, and still do it because they value themselves more so then what is right.

That is how a cheating husband can come home to a crying wife with lipstick on the collar.

That is how a mother can be knowingly be involved with a man that is abusing her children.

That is how a preacher can get up and minister to a congregation knowing he just smashed the church secretary in the office.

That is how a drug dealer can sale poison to his neighbors.

That is how a politician can pass a bill that he knows is going to throw the country into ruin.

That is why this world is in the mess that it is in today.

We live in a world today where anything goes, and that everyone is beautiful and perfect.  We encourage vanity, self love.  Now on the surface it sounds great, you should love yourself.  But when in reality the bible teaches us that the greatest commandments is to love God with all our hearts, mind, body, and soul.  And then we are suppose to love our neighbor as ourselves.   Love requires more than lip service.  Love requires action, because love will compel you to act upon it. 

The Unloved

This blog here is based off of a sermon that I had to preach awhile back when I had to cover for my dad because he was out of town. It is my prayer that you will find this a blessing.


In the bible, in the 29th chapter of Genesis, there is a story about two sisters, Leah and Rachel. Rachel was beautiful, and loved by all, while Leah was saddled with a lazy eye on top of being plain. (Gen 29:17).

Now in the story a man had come along and wanted to marry Rachel, but he had no money for a dowry So this man (Jacob) struck a deal with Laban (Leah and Rachel's father). The deal was Jacob was to work seven years for Laban, and Jacob agreed. "And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her." (Gen 29:20)

Now the custom back then was when a man and woman got married, that whole day and night the woman was not suppose to say one word because the man was suppose to have one night of peace. So when Jacob awoke the next morning he was unpleasantly surprised to find the woman he had married and bedded was not Rachel, but her older and slightly unattractive sister, Leah. Needless to say Jacob was upset.

When Jacob confronted Laban, Laban informed Jacob that in their country the younger did not marry before the elder. Laban also told Jacob that he could have Rachel as well. All Jacob had to do was fulfill Leah's week (which is like a honeymoon, sort of) and then he could marry Rachel. But Jacob was going to have to work another seven years. (Gen 29:27)

Now here we have a woman who was not attractive, nor was she well favored. A woman who was used by her father, and mistreated by her husband. "...and he loved Rachel more than Leah," (Gen. 29:30)

So let me ask you all a question. How many of you have felt unappreciated, unwanted, unpopular, or unloved? Some of you may be in an even worse situation than Leah was. But let me point something out to everyone.

"And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren." (Gen 29:31)

When man curses you, God will bless you.

Now to some people this may not be a blessing, but to Leah it was. When you read verses 32-34, you will note that after the birth of each of Leah's first three sons, Leah kept saying, "...now therefore my husband will love me." (Gen 29:32)

Can you imagine the heartache that this woman felt? I can only imagine this woman doing everything that she possibly could to please her husband. She knew she was never the favorite, or the most popular, nor was she pretty. She had a husband that hated her, and a sister that was at war with her. And a father for of his own selfish reasons, set her up to be abused for the rest of her life.

I can see Leah lying in bed one night, crying her eyes out. Then all of the sudden she comes to her senses. Leah probably sat up strait, wiped the tears from her eyes, and said to herself,

"I can't change how I look, I can't change how people look at me, and I can't make that man love me. But I can change what I say about myself!"

So when her fourth son came along she named him Judah, and after she named him she said, "Now will I praise the LORD." And from that time on Leah said she was blessed:

And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed.(Gen 30:13)

Now the bible never says that Jacob treated her any better, as a matter of fact, he treated her the same. (Gen. 33:1-2)

But there is one more thing that I want to point out to everyone. We know that Jacob's 12 sons make up the 12 tribes of Israel to this day. But what most people fail to notice is that the two most essential tribes came from the woman, who was hated, the tribes of Levi and Judah. Levi's tribe is the priesthood; and Judah, well one of Judah's descendants is thee most famous person of all time.....Jesus Christ.

That is right the woman who was not the prettiest, nor was she the favorite. God used a woman that was deformed, abused, misused, and despised.

You can be cursed by man, but know that God has blessed you. You may not be the prettiest, but realize that you were created in God's image. You may not be the smartest but understand that God will use the foolish things to confound the wise. You may not be the strongest but have the faith that God will put a hedge about you to protect you. But most importantly you must realize, understand, and have the faith to know that God has put talents, abilities, and skills down on the inside of you that can bless the world.

Did Leah know what was written in her DNA? Did she know that God was going to use her? The bible never says, but I would like to think so.

When Leah had her last child, it was a girl, and she named her Dinah. The name Dinah means vindicated.

Kid in a Candy Store: Why Some Black Men Will Never Get Married

Some time ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about his recent relationship status, he referred to it as an hiatus. My reply to that is what one would consider a typical female response,


“What did you do?” I asked.

His was that of a typical male, “Why does it have to be me?”

I then titled my head to the side, pierced my lips, and rolled my eyes. You know the look, the typical look a black woman gives that screams, “Nigga please.”

Without divulging too much of my friend’s personal business, what it basically got down to is that, he got bored.

Now I will say this, my friend has got it going on. Educated, great job, owns his own house which is impeccable. Multiple cars, no kids, never been married. Funny, charming, tall, athletic, handsome, spiritual, kind, intelligent, family oriented, the list goes on and on. Bottom line the guy is an ideal black man. The type of brother that sisters pray to God for. The dude that’s in all the Tyler Perry plays/films.

But he is not the only one, I know several cats like this. Black men that have it all together, but yet are not married. So I have developed a theory, I’m not saying this is bible, I’m saying this is my own personal theory that I have developed and you may feel free to agree or disagree.

Remember when you were a kid and your mother would take you into a candy store and told you that you could only get one thing? Think about it, you’re standing there in front of all those delectable sweets, and you just couldn’t make up your mind? Do you want chocolate? Okay what kind of chocolate? Nuts or no nuts? Carmel, coconut, sweet and sour gummies? Skittles, PayDays, Laffy Taffy? Your mind is racing, your heart is pounding, your eyes are darting back and forth. And that is when you hear it. Your mother is starting to get fed up and says,

“If you don’t hurry up and pick something, I am leaving and you’re not going to get anything.”

And that my friends, is it.

Black men that have it going on can have their pick of the litter, and they know it. As a friend of mine put it once. “An educated black woman that’s attractive, has a good job, and charming…those are a dime a dozen.”

So what happens, you ask?

Well like the kid in the candy store there are a few scenerios.

1. You go home with nothing.


2. You make a rash decision and pick up whatever has the best looking wrapper, only to get it home and realize that is not what you wanted and now you are stuck. So you sit there and eat something you don’t want or you throw it away. (And depending on the mother throwing it away is not an option.  And if you do throw it away you have to hear her say "I told you so" because she knew you wasn't going to like it the moment you showed it to her.)


3. Go back to old faithful and just get something familar, something you know you will like.


4. Last but not least, let your momma pick. She knows what you like anyway.

The Death of Class

A few years back I had the displeasure of witnessing the most ignorant thing I had seen in all my thirty years. The place, a funeral. The culprit was John, the deceased man’s son. (That is not his real name but we shall name him John just for the sake of the story.) John walked up to the platform to say a few words about his father, and being the colossal jewel of glittering ignorance that he is, he begins to use all sorts of profanity. John wasn’t speaking bad about his father, but his desire to “keep it real” was apparently stronger than his sense of proper funeral etiquette. Then to his poor mother’s horror and my shock, his ignorance blazed with the intensity of a billion suns as he pulls out a bottle of whiskey and demands that the casket be open so that he could bury his father with it, because it was his father’s favorite drink. Then he began to tell everyone how much of a “real nigga” he was and he didn’t give a “blank, blank, blank, blank.” Then I noticed that ignorance began to seep from him and infect others, as a few stood and cheered him on. A couple of his sisters tried to get him to sit down, and he then proceeded to cuss them out and say,

“I was his favorite son! I was his best son!”

Finally a few of his brothers walked up to the podium and got him to sit down. Just exactly how many children did this man have? Well 18 was listed in the obituary, but the rumor is the number is actually somewhere between 20-30. (I guess the family slide show with the song “Poppa Was a Rolling Stone” playing in the background was well warranted.) But I can say the deceased man appeared to be loved by many. The funeral home was packed and just about everyone got up and told stories about how his door was always open to everyone not matter what time of day or night, and one daughter even got up and told a fond memory about him cursing them out.

Later on that day as I discussed the funeral with my father and the events that took place afterwards (more happened but what I previously described was the worst of it) my father said something that struck a chord with me. He called us the BET generation. No manners, little morals, and even rarer, good old fashioned common sense. We celebrate rudeness, debauchery, and ignorance. But I will put it another way, my generation as succeeded in killing off class.

Let me explain what class is. Class is not having money, moving to the suburbs, driving fancy cars, and wearing expensive clothes. It’s not about eating with the proper fork or walking around with a book on your head. Class is about being RESPECTABLE, respecting others and yourself. It’s about making an honest living. It’s about taking care of your house, your home, and your family, LEGALLY. Class is about personal responsibility, realizing that no one owes you ANYTHING, but you owe God EVERYTHING, for Jesus paid it all, and all to him, I owe.

But sadly that is not how many of the people in my generation think. They think that someone owes them something. That under the guise of “keeping it real” they have a total lack of proper respect and proper etiquette of those around them. In short “keeping it real” is a self- appointed license to be and act like a total fool. These people are going to do whatever it takes to get what they want or need no matter at whose expense. A generation that celebrates pimps, whores, thugs, and hoodlums....this is the death of class.

It is sport to a fool to do mischief: but a man of understanding hath wisdom.
Proverb 10:23