How To Make a Side Chick

I saw her when she walked in and I knew I had to have her.  She was pretty, a little thick, and a lot of attitude.  I like attitude, makes it more challenging.  When I introduce myself, she looks down at my hand and notices the wedding ring right away.  Her smile slowly melds into a “Nigga please” look.  She’s preparing for me to hit on her, I don’t.  I tell her that if she needs any help to let me know, I walk away. 

The next few weeks I don’t pay her any attention.  She’s a good looking woman and she’s used to men hitting on her.  It works her nerve that I barely speak.  She’s vain. 

Eventually I start to hold small polite conversations with her.  

"Kids?"  I ask.  

"One, a daughter." she replies..  

"The father?"

"Locked up," she says.  

I talk about my kids, my nieces and nephews, and my dogs.  We exchange funny stories about our kids like baseball cards.  As the days progress she starts to open up more about her life.  I give her advice.  When she is stressed about something I offer to take her out to lunch.

Eventually I start to “open up” about my relationship with my wife.  She is the mother of my children and I will always love her for that, but I’m not “in love” with her.  We were young when we got married, she was pregnant and I wanted to do right by her.  She doesn’t appreciate me anymore.  We haven’t slept in the same room in five years.  We are talking about getting a divorce.  Some of it is true, most of it is exaggeration, and she swallows all of it.

Then I see it, there in her eyes.  That little twinkle that lets me know that I got her.  It’s the “Too bad he’s married look”.  She has warmed up to me, she is starting to fall for me, even though she knows its wrong.  Before she had her guard up, now it’s down.  Low enough to where I can steal a kiss at work.  She is shocked, maybe even a little angry.  I apologize and walk away.  I avoid her for three days.  All part of the plan.

After three days I approach her and apologize again.  “It’s fine,” she says.  I can tell she enjoyed it.  I can tell she wants me to do it again.  I offer to treat her to lunch to make it up to her, she accepts.  From that point on its stolen moments and secret kisses.  From there it evolves into secret rendezvous and lusty escapades. 

Summer is here, and with the heat comes my promises.  At the beach during those “family moments” I tell her I’m going to leave my wife.  I bring up a wedding, I speak of a new life.  I tell her and her daughter what they want to hear.

But fall is coming.  I have family obligations.

“You knew I was married.”  I tell her.

She cries and curses me.  Do I feel bad?  Not really, I just act like I do.  Besides this will save me from spending the extra cash during the gift giving season. 

Spring comes back around and I go back to the side chick.  She’s mad, I was expecting that.  She’s crying, I expected that.  She tries to hit me, I was expecting that as well.  I hold her as she cries into my chest and I tell her that I love her.  I make promises about leaving my wife. 

Will I?  Why should I?  A man doesn’t make a side salad his main meal.

She loves me, she won’t let me go.  She’s holding onto hope.  She is believing in a fantasy.  She is my faithful side chick, and has been for seven years.

I Can Stands No More: How I Dealt with My Bully

Like most people I had to deal with a bully.  Someone that picked on me for whatever reason, while I sat there and took it.  Humiliated, hurt, and dreading to go to school.  But there came a day, when I got tired of my bully, when I stood up to my bully. 

It happened the day I turned twelve.  I was on cloud nine that day because my father who was away on revival had felt bad about missing my birthday so he had my Aunt Mary deliver a bouquet of balloons to my band class.  When I saw those balloons that my father had given me and my Aunt’s big smile, I was so elated I burst into tears.  I remember walking down the hallway after class with my friend, all smiles, reflecting on the goodness of my father.  How much he loved me and showed his favor towards me by presenting me with a gift in front of everyone. 

But then my bully approached.  This girl had been picking on me for quite some time now.  She would often do and say things in front of other people, embarrassing me.  It had gotten to the point where I hated going to school because I didn’t want to see her.  Of course I never told any adult that there was a problem, because let’s just face it, that is not what children do.  She was my adversary, my torment, and she had come again today to torment me.  She ran up behind me, grabbed my ponytail and yanked it as hard as she could.  She pulled it so hard that the ponytail holder broke as my hair cascaded down my back. 

As she ran off laughing I began to think about how happy I had been, how great my gift was, how happy everyone else was for me, and now this little demon had come to steal my joy.  Something in me snapped, and to quote that great Shakespearean orator Popeye,

“That’s all I can stands, I can stands no more.”

My friend looked at me in utter shock and bewilderment as I shoved all my belongings into her arms and began to chase my tormentor down the hallway.  When I reached her I didn’t say a word I just grabbed her by her arms and flung her against the lockers as hard as I could, in front of the hall monitors.  She looked at me in complete shock as I stood there hands balled into a fists so tight I could feel my nails digging into my palms. 

The hallway was in a complete stand still as I stared down my adversary, my tormentor.  When it became apparent that she was not going to do anything I took my belongings from my friend, and walked away, with my head held high and smiling, as evidence of my father’s favor floated above my head.

Now I didn’t have to take being tormented.  Besides the fact that I always had the strength to take on my adversary, strength that I had inherited from my father.  I also had a father who loved me and who I had favor with, that would have stepped in and stopped the situation.  I used neither.

There are many of you who are reading this and being tormented by the satan your adversary, and you don’t have to take it.  I had the strength the whole time to stand up for myself but I never used it.  It was only when I got mad, that’s when I found the courage to fight back.  The faith in myself that I could stand my ground.

Stay alert!  Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith…  1 Peter 5:8-9 NLT

A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.       Ephesians 6:10-13 NLT

How long are you going to let the devil reign in your family, in your finances, on your job, in your body?  When are you going to use what God has given you to take back your joy, your happiness, your peace of mind.  This isn’t a soccer match that you are in, this is war!  So many times we are asking God why isn’t He moving, when in reality He is waiting on us to move.  He is waiting on us to take authority over that thing because He has given us the authority!

The whole time I had the power to stop my tormentor, but power is no good unless you use it.  Just like in those old Popeye cartoons, the spinach was no good until he ate it and digested it.  It was of no use to him in that can, it was only after he put it into his system it did any good.  Don’t let the devil steal your joy, your peace of mind, your health, or your family.  You have the power, you have the authority, because God has given you those things, use it.

Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy... .    Luke 10:19 NLT

Flowers and Weeds, Wheat and Tares

Some years back I had decided I wanted to get a little bit into gardening.  It was spring and I had noticed that there was some green sprouting up, but I had no idea what was weeds and what was flowers.  And since neither of my folks knew anything about that particular subject I called upon my friend Lenny.  Lenny is a good ol’ country boy from Texas who grew up on a farm, and knew a lot about gardening and building stuff.  Everything from cars to computers.

When Lenny got to my house he walked the premises with me and pointed out different plants.  He knew them all by name.  Told me what was weeds, and what was flowers.  He made suggestions on what trees and bushes to trim back and what to pull out.  It would be a lot of work and he suggested I do a little bit at a time so that I wouldn't get overwhelmed.  He also informed me that some of the plants were seasonal and I would have different plants blooming in different times of the year.

The next few weeks on my days off I spent my free time trimming bushes, digging up weeds, and pulling down vines.  My house was on a corner so the yard was massive and it was some serious hard work.  The yard looked great but there was one small corner near the back porch that I didn't touch.  By the time I had got to that I had hit my wall and figured that no one would really see it besides my family anyway. 

Everything was looking great, that is until the fall had rolled around.  As the leaves started to change and I looked at my yard I realized my error.  You see there are these cool looking, golden yellow flowers that only bloom during the fall.  But during the Spring and Summer their leaves resemble weeds, and because I had an untrained eye, I pulled up and threw away something beautiful.  When other plants started to die, these started to bloom.  So by the time fall hit, my front yard was looking quite tattered and pitiful, but in the back, the area where I hadn't touched, that part was full, thick, and lush with life.  As I surveyed my debacle, the parable of the Wheat and the Tare made more sense to me.

In Matthew 13:30 in regards to the wheat and tares Jesus said to

 “Let both grow together until the harvest:” 

You see there are a lot of times where we want to write people off because they aren't producing, or showing signs of producing when WE think that they should producing.  And because they aren't producing, we want to write them off and cast them aside.  Throwing away perfectly good people who will have the ability to not only feed other people, but produce others just like them.  As saints our job is to continue to teach, pray, and love on people.  That doesn't mean you don’t rebuke, chastise, or correct people when they do wrong.  If you don’t love someone enough to address a fault, you don’t love that person at all.  But when you throw people aside, you never know what that person might be to the Body of Christ.  Just like those golden flowers, they may be the very ones to stand against the harshest climate, because that was the way that God made them.

Captain Kirk Gets the Girl Every Time

Last year I unknowingly spilled the beans on my mother to my father.  You see when my mother and father started dating she wasn't interested in my father at all.  First and foremost he was a preacher, she did not want to be involved with a preacher.  My mother is extremely shy and quiet and hates being the center of attention.  Secondly she wasn't attracted to him either.  The only reason why she agreed to go out on the first date with him was because her older brother and sisters pressured her to go.  Basically she just did it for a free meal.  The only reason why she went out on the second date was because she wanted to see Star Trek: The Motion Picture.  This was the first Star Trek film based off the television series.  My mother is a HUGE Captain Kirk fan, and watches anything and everything Science Fiction.  So the thought of seeing the movie was too good to pass up.  After all what was one more free dinner and movie to her?  (If it wasn't for William Shatner and Gene Roddenberry I probably wouldn't be here today and you wouldn't be reading this blog.)  It wasn't until after the movie at dinner that my mother even really looked at my father and thought, “Oh well I guess he is good looking.” 

My father on the other hand knew none of this.  When I told him his jaw hit the floor in shock, he turned to my mother and said, “Isabelle!”

My mother just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well I’m here ain't I?”  At this point my father just threw his hands up.

I wish I could say that after that second date my parents fell madly in love with each other and they had a whirl wind romance, but the truth of the matter is they had their obstacles.  For one thing people on both sides had their reservations.  Some of my father’s friends didn't think that my mother was suited for ministry and they thought that my father was making a terrible mistake.  Some people on my mother’s side wasn't particularly fond of the union.  And honestly my mother had such strong reservations about marrying a minister, she actually turned my father down the first time that he asked her to marry him.  But whatever obstacles they faced, they stuck through it.  They have had their ups and downs.  They have had their hardships, disagreements, and arguments.  But they have also stuck with each other.  A few weeks ago they celebrated their 33^rd wedding anniversary. 

Ladies don’t turn a good guy down because he doesn't meet your certain criteria.  Sometimes you have to throw those lists out the window. Because honestly the best blessings are the ones that you least expect.

The Woman in the Mirror

She watches droplets of water slide down her bathroom mirror as steam billows out the hot shower.  She takes her right hand and wipes away the water, just enough to see her face.  Even though she can make her features out a bit more, the steam soon envelops the mirror to hide her face just enough to where she can barely recognize herself.  She knows it’s her, she knows that she’s there, but she doesn't recognize the woman staring back at her.  She chuckles sadly as she thinks about how this scene reflects her current state of mind.  She doesn't recognize who she is anymore.  She has turned into something that she swore that she would never be.  She is doing things that in her youth she turned up her noise at others for doing.

He was charming, he was sweet, he was caring, and he was a scoundrel.  Of course he hid the last part, but by the time that she realized that, she was hooked.  His very presence was a drug, and when she was away from him too long her body went through withdrawals.  He didn't sweep her off her feet, he overtook her in a tidal wave. 

She takes a towel and wipes the mirror again only this time she sees more, she sees the physical marks, the undisputed evidence of a toxic relationship.  The black eye and busted lip, the end result of his most recent violent outburst.  She gently caresses her stretch marks with a slightly crooked finger.  He broke it when she tried to block him from striking their son.  She glances down at the track marks on her arms, reminders of her poor attempt to cope with her own private hell.

She steps into the shower and curls up into a ball and lets the water pour over her body.  She tries to scream but no sound comes out.  The only sound that she can manage is a pitiful whimper, like a small wounded animal, she is too weak to do anything else.

Her heart is broken, she has become the very thing that she has sworn she would never be, her mother.  She swore that she would never be that weak.  She thought she was smarter.  She believed she was braver.  She was full of pride with no pity.  High minded, with no consideration.  Self-righteous, with no compassion.  But oh how the mighty have fallen.  Tens of thousands of dollars spent on education and she was still just as stupid as her mother when it came to men. 

So how does this story end?  Honestly I don’t know because this isn't my story, it’s yours.  The question isn't how does it end, but how do you want it to end?  

Pimps in the Pulpit

When I was nine years old I asked my father what a pimp was.  I had seen a movie called I’m Gonna Get You Sucka, it was the film that put the Wayan Brothers on the map.  In the movie there was a pimp by the name of Fly Guy, played by Antonio Fargas.    In this movie Fly Guy had won an award entitled Pimp of the Year.  At the time I had no clue what a pimp was.  Sure he talked funny and walked around in odd colorful clothes, but I knew it had to be more to being a pimp than that just because of the fact he received an award for it.  I was kind of nervous about asking my father because usually when I asked him a question like that his response was, “I will tell you when you are older” which I hated with a passion.  At the time we were in the car and I had been working up the nerve to ask my father.  He was driving, right arm stretched behind the passenger seat, hand resting on the back of the headrest.  I remember leaning forward and resting my chin on his arm and said, “Daddy?” as sweetly as I could.

“Yes Gina.”

“What’s a pimp?”

I held my breath anticipating my father’s answer, but to my surprise he answered me without hesitation.

In Detroit if you are on 8 mile there is a light right under an overpass where you would turn left to head to I-75 North, and at this light you will notice that there is always a homeless man sitting in a wheelchair right at the corner.  It doesn’t matter what time of year, it doesn’t matter what the weather is, it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, there he is sitting there holding a sign.  He has been there ever since I was a little girl and I’m sure if I were to go there right now he would be sitting there. 

My father motioned with his head to the corner where the homeless man sat and said,

“Pimps are evil men that make young girls stand on corners like that and do nasty things with men for money, then they take the money and the girls don’t get anything.”

It was one of those bitter cold days where the ferociously cold wind would bite exposed skin so hard that it would leave a red mark.  I looked over at the homeless man and the idea of standing next to him in that bitter cold frightened me.  He looked quite scary and I was sure that he smelled.    

“But Daddy,” I asked, “why would the girls do that?”

“Because they are stupid.” He replied

“Well what kind of nasty things do they….”

“Never mind, I will tell you when you are older.

I didn’t ask any further questions.  I knew to stay away from men who said they were pimps.  I didn’t know what the girls did, but I knew it couldn’t be good.  I figured they had to do something like wash the homeless men.  Then on top of that they didn’t even get paid for it!

That was not the only conversation that my father had with me, or my sisters about men and the games that some of them play.  How some would manipulate women and try and take advantage of them.  The reason why my father was open about that was because he has six daughters and he didn’t want someone taking advantage of us.  He wanted us to understand that not all men are good men, that there will be people out there that will try and take advantage of us.  That would hurt us, and ruin us for their own twisted means, one that would try and make merchandise out of us.

One of the main problems with the church is that leadership has never acknowledged the fact that there was, has been, and always will be Pimps in the Pulpit.  Too many times it has been swept under the rug, trying to hide the problem.  The problem with sweeping something under the rug is that eventually there will come a day when people will notice the mound that is under the rug, because everyone will trip over it.

Now there are those who would say that you shouldn’t walk away from some someone because they fall.  That we all have sinned, fallen short.  That we are supposed to lift those people back up in love. 

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.  (Galatians 6:1)

When someone falls we are supposed to hold them up in prayer, and encourage them to get back on the right track, this is not the type of people that I am talking about here.  Just like there is a difference between a married man succumbing to temptation and sleeps with a woman once, and a pimp.  There is a difference between a pastor who screws up once and a pastor whose conscious is seared with a hot iron. 

There have been countless numbers of people who have walked away from church, walked away from God because they have become disheartened by the activities behind the podium.  They think that there is nothing to Christianity. When truthfully there has, was and always will be people who get into ministry for no other reason than to make money off the people, not to help them.  People that will use the gifts that God has given them for evil, not for good.  Whether it’s to fill their own pocketbook or have their own private haram. 

There are multiple instances in the bible where you had people who were supposed to ministers and prophets of God who used their gifts for their own private means.

In Numbers the 22^nd chapter you will come across the story of Balaam whom God would speak to, but took money from the King of Moab to curse the Israelites despite the fact that God told him not too. 

In 1 Samuel the 2^nd chapter you will read the story of the Priest Eli and his sons.  Eli’s sons were stealing the offering and seducing you women at the tabernacle.  Because Eli allowed it to go on, the whole family was punished.

In Jeremiah it wasn’t that much different then as it is today.  There were people who claimed to be prophets yet they “commit adultery, and walk in lies” and it is because of this they “strengthen the hands of evildoers, that none return from his wickedness”.  (Jeremiah 23:14)

Jesus warned that there will be false prophets. (Matthew 7:15)

In Acts the 8^th chapter you will come across a story of a man by the name of Simon the Sorcerer, a man who received Christ and was baptized, but yet he still offered to pay the Apostle Peter money to teach him how to impart the Holy Ghost, so that he could have the power.  Simon was a man that was used to being adored and worshiped, and even though he had believed on Jesus, he still wanted to use Christianity for his own personal gains, as he done before when he was practicing witchcraft. 

Church people will do some of the dumbest stuff.  We won’t go to a mechanic who we know charges you for stuff you don’t need, but we will sit up under a pastor that tells the people that he’s seen Jesus fifty million times, but not one of those times he told them to stop sleeping with the women in the church.  We won’t let our spouse talk to their ex for the fear that some old feelings might rise up.  But you will allow your spouse to have special one on one counseling with a minister that you know has slept with various women (or men) in the church.  You won’t loan your neighbor a cup of sugar, but you let your pastor talk you into putting a Cadillac in your name.  We won’t deal with crooks, pedophiles, cheaters, liars out in the world but we will let them preach to us, and then we wonder why the world thinks Christianity is one big joke.  We sit up in church up under this foolishness

The bible warns us about people like this, and it also tells us what to do when we come across this type of people. 

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof:  from such turn away.  For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts.  (2 Timothy 3:5-6)

We are supposed to TURN AWAY from people like this.  Why are we supposed to turn away?  Because these type of people their sole intent is to use and manipulate.  There are some people who will never get it together.  Judas walked with Jesus and still betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver. 

If you have been hurt because of some crooked ministers, there are some things that you need to understand.  First and foremost there has, was and always will be people like this.  The best thing that you can do for your family and yourself is protect yourselves.  How do you protect yourself?  First and foremost, know the bible for yourself.  Not just read it, but study it.  The second thing that you have to do is you have to have a prayer life yourself.  The Lord will show you when something is not right.  God is always talking, but we are not always listening. 

I have met quite a few crooks in my life, and whatever stories you may have about crooked ministers, I guarantee I have twice as many.  But just like there are bad men and good men, there are bad ministers and good ministers as well.  There are ministers that care about your wellbeing, that care about your soul, and the souls of your family members.  That will fight and pray for you.  That are examples, that lead clean and moral lives.  That practice what they preach.  And not only do they practice what they preach, but they will hold you accountable so that you will do the same. 

I have been blessed to be raised up in a church where the pastor practices what he preaches.  It is my prayer that you find the same thing. 

Beloved I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.  (3 John 1:2)