The Daughter of the Side Chick

I am the daughter of the side chick, and I have watched my mother cry for seven years. 

In the Spring He comes back.  Mommy is angry, but its only pretend anger.  Now she isn’t angry anymore.  They are together, everything is going to be different.  She starts showing me pretty dresses again for the wedding.  They used to be flower girl dresses, now they are junior bridesmaid dresses.

Summer comes, and mommy’s face beams as bright and hot as the June sun.  She radiates hope, fueled by his promises.  We go to the beach, he makes me promises too.  He tells me he’s going to treat my mommy right.  That he is going to be my daddy, that he will love me always.  I want to believe him, it would be nice to have a daddy. 

Summer changes to fall, and mommy is angry, he’s leaving again.  He calls, I answer the phone.  I told him he promised things would be different.  He tells me to “Stay out of grown folks business.”

At night I hear mommy crying in her room only this time I don’t stay in my room.  I peek inside and she’s sitting in the middle of the floor, ripped up bridal magazines all around her.  Broken like his promises, torn like her heart.  I wrap my arms around her, wishing my love was enough.  Wishing my tears could heal her heart.  “Don’t cry mommy, don’t cry.”

Winter comes, there is a boy that I like.  He seems nice, but will he hurt me?  I don’t want to cry like mommy.  I don’t want to believe in fake promises and hold onto lies.  But I did believe in his promises, I trusted his lies.  I believed I would have a daddy.  Do all men lie?

It’s New Years and mommy makes promises too.  She promises that things will get better.  That she is going to change.  That she is going to get closer to God and she is going to lose weight.  New Beginnings.  New gym membership.  New bible.

Valentine’s Day, its just me and mommy.  Mommy acts happy but I can still see she’s kind of sad.  She wants to be strong, I want her to be strong.  I need her to be strong.  She says Jesus is her Valentine.  I hope she has him for real this time.

Spring comes, and he’s back.  Mommy isn’t strong, she’s weak.  Her weakness makes me angry.  “Don’t look at me like that.  You don’t understand, you have never been in love.”  She says.  If love makes you stupid, I don’t want it.  “But mommy he’s going to make you cry again.”  I say.  “Stay out of grown folks business.”  She says.

He lies to her, he lies to me.  When he makes her cry, it makes me cry.  When she is sad, it makes me sad.  He breaks her heart, while she’s holding mine.  I can’t trust, because she trusts too much. 

I’m the daughter of a side chick, and I have listened to my mother cry for seven years.